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You’re married for a while now, and wonder is this it?

When children come into the picture, and the demands of a career grow, it may feel like the marriage has taken a back seat.

Maybe you don’t have kids, and you still feel the spark is gone?

Maybe the two of you already found a routine of getting home to eat something and watching a good TV show till you fall asleep next to your spouse. It may sound so perfect that date night seems like an unnecessary thing.

But here’s the thing; A way to keep a lasting marriage is to find some time in those perfectly created routines to make your partner feel special. Especially, after the honeymoon phase is over. The honeymoon phase is always over, anywhere between 6 to 18 months, so it is something that will happen. When cocktail of love hormones settle--the oxytocin, endorphins, and adrenaline, we stop operating under the magical spell of love. Love needs to become an intentional act at this point, where actions to show love begin to matter more than ever.

Here are 20 tips to raise your relationship to the next level, some are specific for the hubby, some for the wife, and some for both.


  1. Connect with your wife on an emotional level. Be open with her about what you are experiencing, what matters to you, and your dreams. Yes, I am talking about the “F” word: Feelings. Feelings are information that mean so much in relationships. Practice the “F” words, she’s worth it as she is your life partner.

  2. Make her feel like she is the only girl for you through words of affirmation. Tell her what you appreciate about her.

  3. Offer your help with children and household chores. Many women consider this foreplay believe it or not!

  4. Fit in date night in your schedule and plan something different to do once in a while. Activities are great!

  5. Whenever you have the chance, dress up for her, put on the cologne.


  1. When he opens up to you keep his emotions/feelings between the two of you. Do not share with family members or friends.

  2. Show him appreciation. Thank him whenever he goes the extra mile to please you.

  3. When he offers help let him help, women are natural multitasker, but it can hinder your health and even marriage.

  4. Make sure to have some time available for date night.

  5. Change your look from time to time. Try a new full make-up including a glossy red lipstick and beautiful eyelashes. Men are visual creatures, so you will catch his attention and the new look might make you will feel very sexy!


Here are some tips for the two of you that will help you to make your spouse feel special

  1. Learn each other’s love language. If you do not know it yet I encourage you to read the book the 5 five languages of love. Knowing your partner's love language and even yours is a complete game changer to your benefit

  2. Self-Regulate: While love languages can help with understanding your partner and the way you express love, relationship satisfaction is less determined by aligned love languages and more determined by both partner’s ability to self-regulate. Taking responsibility for your moods and not expecting your partner to make everything better is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.

  3. Check in with one another: Ask questions like “How was your day?” “How can I help?” etc.

  4. Take care of your appearance. Sometimes when we get too comfortable in a relationship, we let go of ourselves. Taking care of your appearance will not only help your partner find you attractive and appealing, but it also boosts your own confidence and it makes you feel good about yourself.

  5. Take turns planning date night. Get creative, check out my article “Spice Things Up: 50 Romantic Ideas for Dating Your Spouse”.

  6. Kiss your partner for at least 6 seconds. Research shows that longer kisses create feelings of connection. It only takes an extra 6 seconds to make your partner feel special, so why not?

  7. Whenever you’re with your partner, especially during date night simply be present in the moment– This one is very important! Focus on the conversation you are having with your significant other and really be present. Start working on your listening skills.

  8. Spice up the bedroom. This could be by creating the perfect atmosphere or trying something completely new and thrilling. For ideas on how to spice up the sexyness in your relationship check out “50 Hot Tips to Spice Up Your Relationship

  9. Learn something new together and support one another to become better at it. Be each other’s cheerleaders. This will help in giving the two of you a sense of teamwork.

  10. Never stop trying to get to know your partner. Goals, dreams and wishes change over time. Keep up with your partner.

Wouldn’t it be nice to grow old with your partner still madly in love? A way to reach that point is to never stop making your partner feel special.

To your relationship’s success!

Your therapy friend,


If you would like to check out the health of your relationship, click the link below to get feedback and tips on how to enhance your connection

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