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You’ve been together for a while now, and conversations seem to be about the kids, the house, and bills. Other than that, a conversation may sound like this:

A. Hey, honey! How was your day? B. Good. Yours? A. Did you have lunch? B. Yes. What’s for dinner?

Do you miss the days that you used to talk for hours and hours with your spouse?

This could be even worse if you have a special date night at your favorite restaurant, you get to sit and… there’s an invasive silence or, you’ve got only “yes-no” answers. I’m sure you are trying to connect with your spouse through a conversation, but when receiving these short answers, it just feels hard, doesn’t it?

It may seem that you are trying to take every single word out of his mouth! Is this familiar to you? I know it can be frustrating.

Over time, I have found that a lot of clients I see in my private practice are having a hard time trying to build a conversation with their mates. The reality is that having daily intimate conversations with your loved one is a very important and healthy habit to cultivate in favor of your relationship if you want to preserve it. But, I understand, that sometimes the other part may feel tired after an exhausting day of work and maybe doesn’t want to talk. Now, let me tell you that even a 20-min. conversation about why his day was so stressful can be very helpful to decompress the pressure and get the couple closer together. So it’s worth a try!

No matter how long you’ve been married or in a relationship, sometimes it can be hard to come up with something to talk about to initiate the conversation or keep it flowing. So, here I want to share with you some powerful conversation starters I share with my clients that can get handy when you want to start a conversation. I’ll give you some fun conversation starters and also some serious ones. Remember to watch your tone, make eye contact, and choose engaging questions. Avoid closed-ended questions, like in the examples above. Are you ready?

Let’s start with:

  1. What do you remember about your family vacations when you were a kid?

  2. What are the three things you can’t live without?

  3. Where would you like to go on your next vacation?

  4. Who’s your favorite superhero?

  5. If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?

  6. What’s your favorite song of all time?

  7. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?

  8. What do you value most in a friendship?

  9. Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a child?

  10. What is it like to be the youngest/ middle/ oldest son/daughter?

  11. Why did you choose your career?

  12. In what ways did you feel accomplished today?

  13. What are the things that make you happy about our marriage?

  14. If you could move to another country, where would you go?

  15. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in High School?

  16. What do we have in common?

  17. What do you most enjoy doing together?

  18. What’s your first memory of me?

  19. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?

  20. What is the top goal you want to accomplish this year?

  21. What superpower would you like to have?

  22. What’s the funniest memory you have of our dating days?

  23. What’s the best book you’ve ever read?

  24. What musical talent would you like to have?

  25. When did you realize that you were in love with me?

  26. When did you last cry in front of somebody? Why?

  27. What aspect of our relationship would you improve?

  28. What do you miss about our life before having kids?

  29. Would you pick death penalty or life in prison? Why?

  30. If you win the lottery, what would you buy right away?

  31. What are you grateful about living in this country?

  32. If you could travel back in time, when would you go?

  33. Would you like to live forever?

  34. Do you have any secret ambition you want to share with me?

  35. Who was your first crush?

  36. If you could invite a world public figure to have dinner with you, who would you choose?

  37. How do you feel about your relationship with your parents?

  38. Do you consider you had a happy childhood? Why?

  39. Who is your role model?

  40. What’s on your bucket list?

  41. How would you like to be remembered for after you are gone?

  42. Who do you look most like in your family?

  43. In your opinion, what’s your greatest attribute?

  44. Do you have a favorite movie that had an effect on you?

  45. When was the last time you felt great about yourself?

  46. What is the most money you’ve ever spent on one single item?

  47. Do you have a crazy superstition or belief?

  48. Who was the class clown in your High School years?

  49. Did you ever play an instrument?

  50. If you get to have a superpower, which would it be?

It’s been proven by researchers that when having a good, deep conversation, the couple feels closer afterward. The more vulnerable you and your mate feel, the closer you get. So this is the effect we want to get a satisfying romantic relationship so keep talking, couples!

Your therapy friend,


If you would like to check out the health of your relationship, click the link below to get feedback and tips on how to enhance your connection.

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