Long ago, when you were a little kid you didn’t know that your process of learning how to parent a child had started for you already. Your experiences as a son or daughter were shaping your future style of parenting as well as your values as a human being.
Having said that, you can figure what happens when two people decide to raise a child together. Yes, a man and a woman, come to the relationship with different experiences, values, and convictions trying to teach their child how to live his or her life. That’s why it’s very common that parents try to impose their own style –I see that every day in my practice. That kind of differences can bring some tussle between the couple and consequently, the child may feel confused or frustrated. But, it’s impossible to have an identical partner or a clone, right? And that is a good thing, though! Since we are different we have to work together, as a couple, to co-create our own new parenting style.
I invite you to watch this video about how a kid feels when parenting styles clash:
Here are some guidelines if you and your spouse are willing to work together to improve your parenting skills and raise a happy child. I’m sure you will find some differences but also similarities between both of you in the process.
5 TIPS TO REMEMBER WHEN PARENTING STYLES CLASH
Find Out What Your Parenting Style Is: There are three different parenting styles. Authoritarian, is the parent that demands strict rules and hard consequences. Authoritative, is the parent that also has rules and consequences but is more flexible–by giving choices for the child to choose from according to the child’s nature and needs. Permissive, is the easygoing parent who does not place too many rules.
Talk to Your Partner: I recommend you to have an open conversation with your partner about your points of view and goals as a parent. Remember to talk about the values you consider important for your child to learn, too.
Put a Plan in Place: It would be very helpful to create a document about your priorities as parents, what you expect from your child and how you are going to help him or her get there.
Create a Conflict Resolution System: Try to establish a system for both parents about handling different problems according to importance. I suggest you treat small issues immediately but if there is a serious discipline issue, you should talk about it alone first and then discuss the situation with your child.
Don’t Fight In Front of Your Children: There may be situations that you will make a mistake and that’s okay. But, don’t blame your partner or get angry if you can’t agree on something, especially in front of your children.
“The richness of relationships comes from our differences.”
Parenting is not easy but I recommend you do your best effort to find common ground with your partner. Always remember to try to make your spouse look good in front of your children.
If you apply these powerful tips from now on you will see how the relationship between the two of you and your child will significantly improve but if it’s too hard to parent together then consider getting professional help. A professional can help you achieve a healthy marriage and resolve parenting differences, too.
We are raising a new human being so our mission as parents is crucial. Your parenting style will impact your child’s future as well as other generations to come.
NEED ONE ON ONE HELP TO RESOLVE PARENTING DISAGREEMENTS?
Schedule a free 15-minute telephone consultation today.
Your therapy friend,
Sofia Robirosa